Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
