So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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