Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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