is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
