do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The cops high fived after they tackled you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize