You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
