I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
