New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I need a beard to bite.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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