we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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