I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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