You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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