Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
