So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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