Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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