then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
