No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
