Me. At least after what I've been through.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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