I just saw a hot homeless man
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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