god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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