you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize