i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
