Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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