the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Randomize
