didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
