it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
