im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
honey bunches of taint.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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