she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
