all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You pole danced in your parka.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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