four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
