It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
