The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
