As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
