Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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