I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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