Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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