He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
