I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
