Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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