Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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