well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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