I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize