her vagina looked like bernie madoff
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
