I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
