we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
