im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
