when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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