So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
