I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
porn star boner night. come get it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
