Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
