before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
