she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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