we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
