I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
