I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The ass gains better be worth it
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