Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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