Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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