All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
