It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
