so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
