When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
