First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
