maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize