she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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