just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
