I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
