Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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