So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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