Ambien. No doubt about it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
