dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I can text with my tongue
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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