Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
