and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Your penis caused this!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
