I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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