I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
