remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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