We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
