come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
