from now on my penis is your penis
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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