so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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