my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
