Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
